Something Charlene posted today made me think of something so I wanted to share … about doing things in the flesh vs Jesus changing us from the inside…
I have always loved makeup… I loved doing it… I always felt like it made me feel safe… like if people knew what I REALLY looked like under my mask they would want to vomit… I thought I was so pretty and so ugly at the same time.
I remember crying to Jesus a couple years ago telling Him that the standard of beauty wasnt even real it is photoshopped… this unattainable perfection that doesnt even exist… the women in the photos dont even look like that in real life. I struggled w eating disordered and vanity my whole life.
A few months after I was born again I thought I was not allowed to wear makeup.. I thought it was Jesus convicting me but I realize now it was a religious spirit… I felt condemned every time I wore it.
I started a new job and I thought well nobody here knows what I look like w makeup so I’m just going to start fresh w no makeup and a clean slate… I was white knuckling it for 3 months… I didnt want to even look in the mirror at myself w no makeup. It was brutal…
For some reason I realized that it was ok to wear makeup after a few months… but Jesus would convict me when I was wearing too much… there was no more winged eyeliner or really dark lipstick… I wasnt trying to impress anyone anymore…. that was a couple of years ago.
Early this year one day I looked at myself in the mirror w no makeup on and I was really surprised that I didn’t want to vomit. I saw myself as kind of pretty… not in a vain way.. but like I was ok with myself. I knew it was Jesus helping me because that had never happened to me before. Ever.
Almost immediately someone came against me telling me makeup was a sin and I needed to repent and all that junk… well I immediately started wearing makeup again because who the hell is this stranger trying to tell me what to do?!? Jesus never talks to me like that.
Another few months went by and I remember asking Jesus if He would show me what He did before and help me to be ok with how I looked w no makeup… that is not something I would have ever thought to pray for myself… the very thought scared me to death.
Well Jesus did help me. What Jesus did was that He changed the way I saw “beautiful”… He changed me from the inside… at the heart level…. which is WAY different then trying to white knuckle it in the flesh. It was the truth that set me free… seeing myself as Jesus does.
I’m not against makeup, I still wear it sometimes, but I am ok w myself without it. Jesus bring freedom from bondage. 💖